According to a survey I found, 61% of Christians who believe they were “forced out of church” blame gossip as the primary cause.
Churches all across the nation warn of the dangers of gossip quite often – perhaps more than other sins like drunkenness or fornication. Ask anyone who has been in church for any length of time, and they will cite gossip as a major problem.
I am admittedly guilty of gossip. I have spoken out of turn about subjects that I should not have to people who should not have been involved. Even when I did not believe it was gossip, it most certainly could be taken as such.
In the spirit of studying the Bible, I decided it was time for me to look at what the Book says about gossip in order to better understand what God thinks of it, and how to deal with it if infects your church.
WHAT IS GOSSIP
Webster’s 1828 (the go-to dictionary for anything Biblical) presents the most common definition as, “One who runs from house to house, tattling and telling news; an idle tattler.”
So, basically, if sister Gertrude tells you that she struggles with her cigarette addiction and you run to brother Finneas then to sister Dorcas and beyond, you are a gossip.
I believe this is the way most church folk define the term as well. This can certainly be damaging when spreading rumors about people. But that is the Webster’s definition. What hath God said?
GOSSIP IN THE BIBLE
Here is where things get awkward: “gossip” is not once mentioned in the Bible. You cannot use “sola scriptura” (or Scripture alone) to define a word that does not exist in the Scripture. We, then, must turn to what I would call, “gossip adjacent” terms. There are many verses that discuss circumstances that we would probably agree fit under the umbrella of “gossip.”
Talebearer – Leviticus 19:16; Proverbs 18:8, 20:19, 26:20
False witness – Proverbs 6:19
Slanderer – Psalm 101:5; Proverbs 10:18, 11:13; 1 Timothy 3:11
Speaking guile – Psalm 34:13
Froward [perverse] man – Proverbs 16:28
Whisperer – Proverbs 16:28
He that repeateth a matter – Proverbs 17:9
Babbler (my personal favorite) – Ecclesiastes 10:11
Idle word – Matthew 12:36
Corrupt communication – Ephesians 4:29
Evil speaking – Ephesians 4:31; James 4:11; 1 Peter 2:1
Disorderly – 2 Thessalonians 3:11
Busybodies – 2 Thessalonians 3:11; 1 Timothy 5:13
Tattlers – 1 Timothy 5:13
False accusers – Titus 2:3
Speaking guile – 1 Peter 3:10
That is a LOT of mentions. Some of these do align with the Webster’s 1828 definition of “gossip.” However, I want to point out that the vast majority of these terms have a very negative connotation. This leads me to believe that in order to be “gossip,” there must be an element of negative intent on behalf of the Babbler to Biblically qualify.
SPREADING GOSSIP OR CONCERN
As with most things, I believe intent is key to discerning whether communication is positive or negative. I also believe that we should not assign intent when it could possibly be taken the opposite way.
This is one reason I am concerned with how churches deal with gossip.
I have been involved in conversations with church members who were concerned about various aspects of the church. As a generally trustworthy person (I think), people often come to me for counsel. I value being an objective observer, and I also value anonymity and confidentiality. These are traits that lead people to me.
The vast majority of these conversations are for sharing of information in order to better understand happenings that may not be explicit. All churches have these issues, because it is incredibly difficult for church leadership to be completely transparent in all things. They, too, respect confidentiality, especially when there is a situation that requires time to complete. It does no one any good to discuss theoretical changes (like construction projects or personnel swaps) before they are actually cemented.
However, the silence can very often lead to speculation. It can be healthy to talk amongst the church body about possibilities that can improve the church. However, if the chatter turns negative, we have a gossip situation that might be damaging.
Similarly, if sister Gertrude’s smoking habits are spoken of as a matter of prayerful concern, I do not see a problem with it – depending on who you speak with. For instance, if you believe that it might damage her relationship with her husband, keep your mouth shut. If you discuss her addiction knowing that her husband will probably find out, you are speaking evil.
DISCERNMENT AND GRACE
Discernment between Christians has become a lost art these days. Not everyone is out to get you or wants to tarnish your reputation. Not all communication about you is intended to be negative, just because it occurs when you are not around to directly deal with what is being said.
If you are the person about whom the gossip is centered, you need to have grace. Do NOT assume the negative intent of the person talking about you. You should approach them as a friend and ask for clarification on their intentions. You might have to correct them and ask that they speak with you first, but your initial reaction need not be to cause strife.
If you are in the habit of criticizing the church or people therein, I would say that the best course of action is to mind your own business unless someone is in danger and could use an intervention of some kind. If you believe the situation is so important that you must speak about it, the person should be confronted directly. If you are concerned about their reaction, involve a mediator – preferably a church leader (pastor or deacon) or a respected mutual friend. I do realize that sometimes you might just be looking for confidential counsel, but it should be limited to as few people as possible, lest the fire spread and burn the church down.
If you are the person who intentionally tries to leverage others into conforming to your ideas through gossip, or you seek to destroy others by bearing false witness or talebearing, stop or leave. You are a cancer on the church and God does not appreciate sowing discord among the brethren. In fact, He calls it an “abomination” in Proverbs 6:16-19. You will be dealt with, if not through church discipline, but by the Lord Himself. Personally, I’d rather be confronted by the pastor or deacons than the One who can take or destroy your life in unimaginable ways.
I have personally witnessed this type of gossip tear churches apart. I have also been in situations in which those with “good intentions” (and I do believe that the “road to hell is paved with them) have been misunderstood and the rift between church members became so irreconcilable that one or more family left the church – and sometimes churches altogether.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Just as with a healthy marriage, we Christians should be open, honest, and gracious with one another. I do not like murmuring (which is more complaining than gossiping) amongst the brethren. It did not bode well for the Israelites who were rescued from Egypt, and it does not go well in our churches today. It only causes problems.
Talk to one another. If someone comes to you looking to gossip (again, this is different than counsel and we should discern the difference), point them to the person about whom they wish to bear witness. Talk to your pastor when you disagree with a potential policy or change (but again, BE GRACIOUS). If you don’t want to discuss it with him, don’t discuss it with fellow church members. The damage that can come from rampant speculation cannot be understated, and I do believe we will be judged by God Himself for our part in any schism in the Body of Christ that we are directly involved with.
That is something I do not want to face. I pray that I do better in avoiding gossip. How about you?
Simmons' Opinions 