One way to spur men to action is to challenge them. That has been the reason why the military, sports, and even our churches spend so much time telling men to “man up,” overcome their pain, get stronger, eliminate weakness, etc.
Father’s Day is coming up, and our churches will more than likely go after men for not being man enough. Mother’s Day sermons often exhort moms for being so awesome, but Father’s Day sermons are for admonishing men for their failures. In fact, half the time Mother’s Day sermons are ALSO used to challenge men.
Here are some things you will not hear from pulpits:
Men have a suicide rate FOUR TIMES greater than women.
They are TWO to THREE TIMES more likely to use drugs or abuse alcohol – often times leading to death.
THIRTY percent of men suffer from depression and anxiety, but only 25% of those men seek treatment of any kind because of the attached stigma of seeming “weak.”
Men are much more likely to suffer from stress related illnesses like heart disease (25% of annual male deaths) and hypertension (50% of men have been diagnosed).
Men are 1.6 times more likely to die at work than women because they take more stressful and demanding jobs.
Approximately 100,000 to 150,000 men will die of stress related causes this year, in the U.S. and an additional 20-25 MILLION American men will suffer from some sort of stress related illness.
There is the cycle. Men are pressured to be men, then become overwhelmed by stress and ignore help until it is often too late and develop an illness that will kill them, or they just kill themselves.
Perceived weakness is a literal killer of men. Sometimes it is external pressure from social groups. Sometimes it is internal because they want to support their families. Sometimes it is internalized because of perceived external pressure that might not even be there.
One thing is for sure – men are stressed out and need help. It is difficult when they refuse it, but we should also consider WHY that happens. Oftentimes, stigma is the primary reason. Trust is another.
If you want to be a help to a struggling man, you must gain his trust. Constantly bashing or ribbing a man for not being a man will not do this. We are too quick to judge a man by exterior things – how they dress, physical health, and even their demeanor that can easily just be the mask they wear in public. We rarely focus on common interests beyond the superficial. We rarely just “hang out” in low-stress environments – and when we do, it often includes unhealthy behavior.
The average man only has 3-4 close friends, and that decreases as they age. When someone moves out of town or switches jobs (or churches), men tend to stop talking to one another. The years spent building trust and relationships fade and they don’t have the energy to repeat the process with someone new.
Men need one another to be real, caring, loyal friends. Most are not – though they believe they are.
Men should be lifting each other up to compensate for a lifetime of being beaten down. Of course, we also need some challenging, but when the scales are tipped toward that being the dominant constant, the balance is skewed and the results are clearly catastrophic.
So “be a man.” A comprehensive, complex, and complete man. Help others to do the same.
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